Dear Drunken Santa's:

I am writing to tell you that this year I am looking forward to seeing you, again!!! My boyfriend Chris and I decorated the other night, and we cleaned out the chimney so your drunk asses will fit down the chimney! This year we will have plenty of munchies (yes and baked ziti) so you guys can have some 'drunk food' before you head back to the North Pole and all the other childern that you visit won't smell the alcohol on your breath. There are ONLY a few things I am going to ask for this year... And it is not even for myself, it is for my boyfriend and our friends...

1. Please let Chris and Roachy get to sit on your laps this year... for some reason every year they miss it and I know it would mean so much to them.

2. Please get Heather a pair of underwear that fits her, last year I heard there was a mishap and she has been walking around with a saggy thong ever since.

3. Rumor has it, that Lacey J will be here this year, please make sure she is WELL aware of where the ICE is.

4. Kim will also be attending and will have traveled far... Please, please make sure you bring her batteries..... No, not for what your thinking santa, .... she is now persuing her rapping career and she will need batteries for her microphone.

5. I noticed last year that Mrs. Murphy got a pair of Santa's boxers... what a lucky bitch!

6. Please bring Tim something to do... so he won't be playing with open flame and tissues...

7. Rumor has it that this will be Jason Wertheimer's first Extravaganza.. as his first party... Please Santa bring something Kosher for my Jewish friend.

8. I know that Dan and Kelly will be attending AFTER they get out of work, so if you guys could belly up and bring us an extra 30 pack, that would be great too.


And last but not least, please don't be cheap this year... HOOK US UP!